The Way I Am
by neechan100
Summary: After seven hard years fighting for his lord in the Sengoku wars, ANUBIS returns to the province to fight another war. Pre-Talpa.
1. Prologue: War

Prologue: War

Hi! This is my first fanfic.

The story's setting is the mid-1500s, during a time in feudal Japan called Sengoku ("civil war") when were was a lot of violence, rebelliion, etc.

I know there are a million names for the characters in YST...Anubis especially has a problem with this. So, to clarify:

His birth name is Koma Toshitada. Anubis is a samurai so when he comes of age he is given an "adult" name, which is Anubis, and this name will be used throughout the fic. Since Shuten Douji means "red sky child" I decided it should be his nickname.

A katana is a samurai sword. The samurai were required to carry two katana at all times.

Enjoy!

-------

_The wind whipped his auburn hair around his face. Toshitada stared at the path between the hills below him, knowing that if he stayed he would be a boy forever. He couldn't be a boy forever. He had no right. Father slaughtered himself, and the boy knew it was not only his duty to take his father's place on the front, to avenge his death by fighting against the Minamoto, but also it was his duty to prove that he was not the mangy half-breed his own clan judged him to be. I am going to be a great warrior, he thought. And no matter what my clan says, I will bring honor to my name._

_"Shuten!"_

_Toshitada looked over his shoulder. Asuka was running toward him. He cursed. He didn't tell her himself he was leaving. It would be too much for the both of them._

_"It's true," she panted, scowling at him. "You're leaving."_

_"I have no other choice," Toshitada retorted._

_"No choice?" she repeated scathingly. "You're only fourteen. You won't even come of age until spring."_

_"Shut up. You're only twelve."_

_"Excuse you, but am I the suicidal one? What would your father say? All you have is a breast plate and a wooden stick! The enemy won't kill only because they'll be too busy laughing."_

_"My father was killed." Toshitada spat bitterly._

_Asuka fell quiet. The only sound now was the dead leaves blowing around their feet. "I'm so sorry. I didn't…"_

_"It's not your fault," he said impatiently, "I just….I just need to do this, okay? Don't act like I'm gonna die."_

_"You will die," she said bitterly. She pointed at his stick. "You can't fight with that."_

_Toshitada shrugged. Father had put off his samurai initiation ceremony for his sixteenth birthday until the two katana had been purchased, because swords were very expensive. "I'll find something else on the way."_

_"And what if your great-uncle is too stingy to grant you two swords?" Before he could answer, she unhooked one of her own katana from its belt and held it out to him._

_He stared at it, speechless. "You're giving it to me?"_

_Asuka sighed impatiently. "I have Suiko, you take Umeiyo. Give it back after you're discharged."_

_Toshitada accepted the sword graciously and bowed. "I—"_

A burning sting on his lips brought Anubis back to consciousness.


	2. Homecoming

Chapter One: Homecoming

Anubis is waking up from his dreams...

--

"Wasabi water sake," an elderly voice said above his head.

Anubis sputtered the alcohol all over his neck and chin. He opened his eyes slowly, painfully. He'd cracked a few ribs before, but now he felt that the whole ribcage was shattered. He could barely breathe but still managed to cough, "My lord Uncle…"

Lord Koma grinned. "Well done. The Miyanmari were defeated. I think another Bronze Medal of Honor is in order…"

Anubis forced a smile. "It is my honor, sir." _By now I should have been well promoted and not receive a piece of watered down trinkets!_

"You've been in my service since you were fourteen." Lord Koma laughed. "Feh. I didn't think you'd be much then. You were so slight of a man you could have been a woman." He gave a laugh that eventually became a cough. "But now you are a warrior…a true example of Bushido, a true hero of our honorable clan, the Koma. That is why I am discharging you from service for a year."

The news came out of his uncle's mouth so unexpectedly, so suddenly, for a moment Anubis's pain went a little numb and he forced himself to sit up. "Sir—please—I can—still—serve...the army..."

"There has been a ceasefire in the civil war," Lord Koma told his great-nephew. "The shogun's orders. You've been of great service to me and Lord Taira. I suggest you use this time to your advantage. How old are you know?"

"Twenty-one, sir," Anubis groaned.

"Hmmm. I should find a wife for you. You're not getting younger."

"Sir—"

"Not another word, you need your recovery. Your commanding officer said you took quite a hit in Yoaiko. But with your...mixed blood I'm sure you'll be up and about in a few days."

He was referring to Anubis' demon blood. Anubis could barely remember his mother Korin, except that she gave him her red hair and blue eyes, though these features weren't the only thing that made Anubis an outcast in his childhood. His father, Koma Hideki, had taken a serious breach in his clan's customs by refusing to marry his cousin and instead choosing a "creature". It was a mistake. Not only was he shunned, Korin eventually left, and for all Anubis knew besides the fact that she-demons make poor mothers was that she could be dead or alive.

His tainted blood made him something of an outcast as well. That was why Anubis choose to fight at such an early age, and for so long. He figured that if he served his clan as best as he could he would bring them honor and in turn they would accept him, but all they had done so far was throw him a few bronze medals and no promotion.

_If I have a year,_ he thought,_ I might as well enjoy it._

_--_

_Notes:_

In feudal Japan, you were considered mature at twenty. It was like our thirty.

A wasabi is a pea that is really spicey...haha :) So the sake Anubis drinks is spicy.

Pay attention to rank!! It will be VERY important later. Anubis is a _samurai_. His great-uncle is a low-ranking _daimyo_ (retainer), who controls a tiny part of the province--just a few villages. Above him is a higher-ranking _daimyo, _briefly mentioned as Lord Taira. You'll see...


	3. The Suitor Sasaki

Chapter Three: The Suitor Sasaki

Cale tapped his foot impatiently as he waited outside the heavy brick compound surrounding Mikasa Castle. Nearly a half hour after he presented his entry permit to the guards, it was raining, he was soaking wet, and ready to make somebody's life hell. At just twenty-three years old, he was already an experienced _daimyo_ and used to having his way since he succeeded his brother seven years ago. He could understand Lord Taira's need to keep his unmarried sisters under tight supervision—after all, it was still _Sengoku Jidai_, Era of the Warring States, and with all the political chaos the last thing a _daimyo _needed was for a very important alliance to fail because of his sister's questionable virginity. But this was ridiculous!

He arrived promptly at eleven, flanked by his retainers, all of whom wore the dog-print of the Sasaki crest.

"Halt," ordered the guards. "This is Mikasa Castle, property of Honorable Lord Taira. Entry is forbidden to all gentleman without legal permits approved by the lord."

"Lord Sasaki," Cale said, imperiously dismounting his horse. His chief retainer presented the necessary documents.

The short guard re-read the permit. "Party of ten…" He counted the men before turning to Cale. "What's the gender of your horse, sir?"

Cale raised his eyebrows. "Male. Why does that matter?"

"Permit says ten males. Horse makes eleven."

"The horse barely counts as a living thing." Involuntarily Cale gripped the hilt of his nodachi, though he had no intention of using it yet. In any case the guard didn't notice.

"Sorry Lord Sasaki, orders are orders. I'll have to take a word with the captain."

_Orders are orders_, Cale repeated bitterly in his mind. That fool of a guard had no idea who the HELL he was talking to!

At the age of thirteen Cale had become an adult _samurai_, two years before most boys. At fifteen his grandfather died, throwing the _daimyo's _succession into a fierce civil war between Cale and his eight older brothers. For almost two years he came close to losing his neck not only in battle but numerous assassination attempts arranged by all his brothers, until he turned the tables on them, had them killed, and took charge of the province for himself—age _seventeen_. And now after six years Sasaki Province wasn't some middling state floating in northern Japan—the fact that he might likely be marrying into one of the most prominent clans was evidence of that. The Taira were eager for a strong partner in the north to keep in check the allies of their greatest enemy—the Minamoto.

The guards, on the other hand, were local samurai of the third rank hardly permitted to carry two swords, let alone ride a horse! Cale used a nodachi, a field sword much like a katana but much longer and heavier. His nodachi was everything—the absolute embodiment of his power and struggle to become the _daimyo_.

The rain poured. Yamotumi, Cale's retainer, asked hesitantly, "Should we turn back sir?"

"You damn well stay where you are," Cale barked.

The captain of the guard arrived shortly thereafter. "Lord Sasaki, I apologize for your inconvenience. Please have your retainers and your horse wait outside the compound. Then you may proceed to the castle. Of course you must surrender your weapons and other--"

Cale brushed past them brusquely. "Idiots."

Inside the warmth of the castle, Asuka's oldest sister Nari was wringing her hands anxiously. "Where is the sudare already?"

In the reception room she was standing over a sudare--a special screen made to separate rooms and unacquainted men and women from contact. Minutes before the cats had sunk their claws in it until the entire thing was in shreds--a jumble of bamboo, paper, and silk cords, shredded.

"It can't be fixed Nari-san," sighed Chang-E, Asuka's Chinese-born lady-in-waiting. "Not in time to look decent for the _miai_ with Lord Sasaki…you will have to do without."

Nari came as close to swearing as she ever did. Asuka called from the hallway, "I like seeing people face to face anyway. Men and women should talk to each other face to face. You know for Sengoku Jidai, in this time of war, I thought we'd get rid of these frivolous rules."

Nari threw an elaborate silk kimono jacket over her shoulders. "Shhh. Chang-E, see if Lord Sasaki has arrived yet."

Asuka knelt on her assigned place the back of the reception room and frowned. Unfortunately today she was the prime example that these frivolous things DID still exist even in a time of civil war. Her natural skin lightened with stark white makeup. Nari herself painted the unnatural "violet bud" of scarlet on Asuka's lips. Extravagant gold hair ornaments decorated the knee-length extensions in her natural hair, which was cut just below the shoulders and far shorter than that of most court ladies. Lastly, she was dressed in the latest court style—a revival of the Heian fashion, _juni-hitoe_, twelve multi-colored kimono layered like sheets around her body. That was the court standard, but Asuka didn't like frivolousness.

"He's here!" Chang-E whispered. "I'll get the sake!"

"Thank-you," Nari replied. "I'll be there in a moment." She turned to Asuka. "I've nothing to say. Just treat this like your meetings with the other two."

"Sure."

Asuka waited. A few minutes passed; finally there were footsteps outside the door and she peered behind the edge of her fan when it opened. The other two meetings with Lord Yamanouchi Naotoki and Lord Kuroda Jirougorou were okay, but she hadn't experienced the love-at-first-sight Chang-E's Chinese romance novels promised. For all she knew Sasaki could be the one her older brother Yuhiro chose to be her husband…

"Konnichi-wa," she said as modestly as possible.

He was a stocky, very confident-looking man that couldn't be mistaken for anything but a warrior, even while dressed in a fine black kimono decorated with a gold phoenix at the hem. He had a very masculine face, not flawed bur rather enhanced by the cross-shaped scar over his left eye and cheek. His hair was dark and thick and wild, like he couldn't keep more than ten minutes from the next battle. His lips were somewhat full for a man but very sensual and contrasted by a little stubble on his chin. Sasaki apparently hadn't been to court in a while; now stubble and wild hair was both unfashionable and untidy. Nevertheless he exuded confidence and leadership. But Asuka was almost immediately turned off, before he even said anything. Maybe it was a better idea for Nari to use the ripped sudare—Sasaki's dark green eyes studied her intensely. It was like he was using his eyes to bury under the layers of her kimono to see her body.

"I'm pleased to meet you." He smiled, his sharp teeth bringing to mind the appearance of a hungry dog or wolf.

Asuka quickly hid her face with a fan and cringed. "And I you."

Sasaki laughed. "Is there something wrong? Do you find my northern accent difficult?"

_No, but I find something else difficult, _she thought bitterly. _Merciful Buddha, don't let my brother marry me to this pervert!!_

--

A matter to address...

It has come to my attention that the Taira-Minamoto feud mentioned above and in other chapters occured in the Heian Period, a few centuries before Sengoku Jidai. (Whoops!) For the intent and purposes of this fanfic, I will let this anachronism stand and try to stay close to the historical part of S.J. without compromising the story. This is a good reason to review (it can only help ppl!) and please feel free to shout out any historical errors.

Thanx to a helpful reviewer!


	4. Yu

**Yū: Courage**

Yuhiro, Regent Daimyo of the powerful Taira Province and eldest son of the invalid _daimyo_ rubbed his forehead as his palanquin made its way to the most recent site of decisive victory over the Miyanmari conflict.

This rebellion had lasted three, head-splitting years, and begun when a peasant Momozono declared himself _daimyo _after murdering the rightful fief vassal Lord Miyanmari. Yuri's father, Lord Taira senior, named the fiefdom in rebellion and sent troops immediately.

Just a few thousand men were lost, but this was a huge toll for a seemingly small conflict. Momozono was a merchant who had ties to the trading port Nagasaki and stockpiled Portuguese weapons—which obliterated _samurai_ armed with swords. They also had the support of the Taira's number one enemy—the Minamoto, who had drawn a tentative truce. Ironically, this would have not been possible but for the vassal Lord Koma's tiny militia.

_How three years can change a person_, Yuhiro thought. _The strain was so great Father's health declined. To this day he is too sick to govern._

Despite his father's talents the old man had made many mistakes. Taira province was cut in twenty-one fiefdoms joined in a confederacy headed by the _daimyo_. However, this system couldn't last long before the vassals who governed on behalf of the _daimyo_ would try to rebel or break away—this was very common in other places and had been so for years. After all, Japan was in _Sengoku Jidai_—civil war.

Lord Taira based his capital around Miyako, the imperial capital, which could help legitimize his authority if he became shogun; but years had passed since Father took over Miyako and the clan was still not strong enough to conquer Japan. They were still stuck in the long-time mess of the _Sengoku Jidai_, competing with their greatest enemy, the Minamoto. Finally Yuri sought to undo a very careless mistake of his father's liberal attitude.

Four of Yuri's half-sisters—Asuka, Natsu, Tsuki, and Emiko—had gone past age sixteen without even a serious match with a powerful clan. The four older sisters—Nari, Harume, Aoi and Mayuri submitted to traditional arranged marriages that made solid alliances. As soon as Yuri became regent _daimyo_ he looked into his sisters' marriage prospects. He put them under the close watch of his divorced sister Nari. Nineteen-year-old Asuka would be married to a reliable match within the year.

"Sir, we have ten Koma officers meriting awards," Ibe, Yuhiro's chief secretary said. He had a high, whining voice. "Five of them are posthumous cases..."

"It won't be a long ceremony," Yuhiro said dismissively. "As soon as it's over my entourage shall escort the Koma militia to the capital. It's all about image, Ibe-san." He waved his finger's over the secretary's eyes to imitate magic. "When the people see the procession they will understand the scope of our power. They will have faith in our government and other rebels will be discouraged—hence, the _bundori _will be 

carried behind the troops." _Bundori _were war trophies—decapitated heads of the enemies painted white and borne on poles. Their appearance was frightening.

As careful as the Regent Daimyo was, he could not foresee what was happening not far from his palanquin.

--

"With humblest honor do we present the Honorable Lord Regent Daimyo Taira."

Anubis filed with the rest of the low-ranking _samurai_, who had the farthest view of the Regent Daimyo. His chest filled with a strange feeling he hadn't felt in years. When he woke up that morning, it was peaceful. His sleep was calm. There was no need to worry about a sudden battle going on—at least for now. But another worry bothered him.

As the Regent Daimyo passed through the aisle, a knot formed in Anubis's throat. Would his master recognize him? After all, he had spent nine years as his father's protégé. Anubis knew he was just a third-class _samurai_, but he had survived seven years of war, fought since age fourteen (before most warriors) and fought three times as well as the average _samurai_. Fierce anger boiled below his composure. He knew he merited more than bronze medals. How much more would he have to prove?

Someone elbowed him. "Straighten up, the lord's coming."

As the Regent Daimyo passed Anubis stole a quick glance at him. He had only seen Taira Yuhiro a few times because of the ten-year age difference, but the man looked pretty much the same. He was tall and slender like his father Lord Taira the _daimyo_, but his face had wide-set cheekbones complemented by eyes so narrow they looked like slits and barely revealed his scrutinizing pupils. He grasped the sword at his side with the grace of an aristocrat though Anubis wondered how much experience he had in combat—not theoretical training, but actual combat. Lord Taira could command his troops with a kind of relation that he understood their adherence to Bushido values of loyalty, and the unspoken fear of death. This was something the Regent lacked.

Taira Yuhiro did not recognize him.

_Fwwwww._

Anubis looked in the trees just past the opposite _samurai_'s shoulder. Red and black colors darting between the leaves, pinpricks invisible to a normal man's eye. There were Miyanmari guerrilla colors. Just as he was about to raise alarm, the warrior released an arrow.

"LOOK OUT!"

Without a thought to his own safety, Anubis threw himself on Taira Yuhiro.

--

"LOOK OUT!"

"Aaaah!"

A _samurai _knocked Yuri over. A shower of arrows fell over the site; the militia fighters were summoned back to battle. A wave of chill came over Yuri. He had almost been killed.

The warrior who jumped on him had his sword drawn out; Yuri studied him in shock for the first time. He looked like either a barbarian or a hybrid with his auburn hair, blue eyes, and other unusual features. Despite his appearance his courage was the same as any other _samurai_'s.

"My Lord, we have to run," the _samurai_ told him.

Yuhiro couldn't move. The chill was paralyzing. He was terrified of death. He could die if he stayed, but he was certain to die if he moved. But the _samurai_ remained at his side the whole time, until the battle was over. And even then he got to his feet only after Yuri did, whence he bowed and said, "Koma Anubis _samurai_, at your service, Honorable Master."

--

Yuri's name has been corrected...


	5. A Favor Most Regretfully Redeemed

**A Favor Most Regretfully Redeemed**

It is about time I put up a disclaimer: the aforementioned and following stories are based on the anime series, Ronin Warriors/Yoroiden Samurai Troopers, which I do not own. Hence, "fanfiction".

--

Gossip reached the spacious halls of the capital's palaces faster than even the _kamikaze_, or divine wind, that had delivered Japan from Mongol attack three hundred years ago. By afternoon, Lord Taira's upper-class subjects could find nothing else to talk about.

"Our lord the Regent Daimyo was almost assassinated!"

"At the victory battle site, I heard. I knew those scoundrels were up to something!"

"I heard the Regent Daimyo was injured, maybe fatally."

"If something happens to him Naruhito is the next son of the _daimyo_'s in line."

"Feh, then all my sucking up has been for nothing?"

"Naruhito is the Supreme General of the Provincial Forces. My wife's uncle has good connections with the army…"

But Yuhiro wasn't killed, Asuka discovered, as soon as she caught sight of the butterfly crest of their clan approaching the castle gates. She would have watched but there was another private meeting with Lord Kuroda, the second of her three suitors. He was the nephew and heir apparent to the _daimyo_ of that province, who kept a neutral stance between the Taira and Minamoto factions. Yuri hoped to dissuade them from their neutrality by courting Lord Kuroda into an alliance; though small, their clan was very wealthy. For this _miai_ Asuka wanted the sudare down (though she hoped Kuroda was not perverted like Sasaki) and won the argument with Nari.

"Fine," Nari agreed, though she disdained the idea. "This time I hope you know to cover your face at least…"

Asuka did before the sliding doors opened and Lord Kuroda greeted her with a formal bow. After exchanging the formalities, Nari kept quiet to let a conversation blossom.

She stole a quick glance at him. Lord Kuroda was a tall noble around twenty-six or twenty-seven years of age. From what Asuka learned, his mother was the daughter of a Dutch trader who settled in Japan. She was taken by the _daimyo_'s brother (Kuroda's father) as a concubine. No wonder his features resembled the barbarians, although he was very handsome. He had a tall forehead, high, aristocratic nose, and almond-shaped blue eyes that were the only, merest trace of his Japanese heritage. Not even his hair—white, thick, and wavy—was unlike a foreigner's. But he spoke Japanese as fluently as any other courtier she knew.

"So," Asuka began demurely, "what are your interests?"

In the aloof speech of aristocrats he replied, "Theatre, poetry, horse-riding, and hunting."

_How general_, she thought. _Like rice pudding._ "Are you familiar with the poet Cui Hao?"

"Much of his work, yes."

"What do you think of his work?"

"He is famous. So it is brilliant."

"But a questionable personal life. I believe it had an effect on his...pieces."

He didn't speak much.

"Do you have other interests?" she pressed him.

"Spiders," he said tonelessly.

Asuka asked him about spiders; how many aristocrats had time for spiders? "So you are interested in spiders?"

Kuroda raised a thin, arched eyebrow. "I believe I mentioned that."

"Yes." The moment was very awkward. He spoke in such a monotone it was hard to keep a conversation; he would do very poorly in court, she knew. "And you find them…interesting?"

It sounded lame even to her ears. Kuroda replied smugly, "Obviously." He sipped his tea.

Nari frowned in Asuka's direction. _Stop being so insistent with your questions,_ her gaze said

Asuka wondered which was a lesser evil—a perverted husband or a condescending and boring one.

--

Two men entered Lord Taira Yuhiro's parlor—a relatively sumptuous room with tea and tobacco pipes laid out. As they knelt, the lower-ranking of them bowed.

"The humblest thanks, my lord."

Anubis bowed. Lord Taira Yuri had commended him for his bravery, although Anubis could not be too proud for his courage—what he had done was a tenet of Bushido. It was his duty to die for his master. Now he would reap the benefits of his loyalty—also another tenet of Bushido, one his father had taught him. The Regent Daimyo planned to return the favor.

Lord Yuhiro offered him tea. According to social custom—something Anubis hadn't forgotten after years away from court—one had to politely refused, be persuaded, and then graciously accepted. Anubis complied and a maid passed him tea.

Anubis's eyes followed a shadow that across the lacquered screen behind Lord Yuri's back.

"I am surprised to run into one of my father's old protégés," the Regent Daimyo remarked, smoking his pipe. "It is unfortunate most of the brilliant students he selected…did not survive war."

Anubis quietly agreed. Lord Taira Yuhiro was right. To his knowledge, none of his old friends from those days survived. "May I ask of Kanaka _Sensei_?" This was their martial arts teacher, as well as a retired chief retainer to the _daimyo_. A bead of sweat dripped from Anubis's temple. How had his _sensei_ reacted when he left seven years ago, without a word and certainly without permission? Would the man forgive him? Was he still even alive? _He must be at least sixty, _Anubis thought.

Meanwhile the shadow disappeared.

"I regret to say Kanaka-san is in poor health. As I understand he has retired to Edo."

"Edo, my lord?"

"Supposedly his last wish is to die near the foothills of Mount Fuji."

The news pained Anubis, though he kept his expression composed. What a student he'd been, after Kanaka-san helped him—the hybrid son of a disgraced _samurai_—to leave his _sensei_ and find that he would only cause more harm by contacting him. He swallowed the knot in his throat.

Lord Taira Yuhiro set down his pipe. "Allow me to repeat my gratitude for the service of a loyal retainer. Koma-san, I refused to let any good work you've done go unrewarded. Please…name your price."

Here it was—the moment Anubis was waiting for. It was remarkable how one could forget what one could want when the opportunity arose, but it was easy when there was nothing. His mind numbed. His one dream since childhood was to rule everything under the sky, but even the powerful Taira clan could not rule everything under Japan, so his wish would advance him only a notch closer to his goal. However, it was better to have some advancement than stay seven more years as a low-ranking _samurai_. A military promotion would give him extra mobility in the climb to power while taking a means to clean his father's disgrace.

"I—"

There was a knock on the door. It was Ibe.

"Forgive me," the Regent apologized. "I will take only a moment Koma-san."

"Yes, my lord."

Lord Yuhiro had left the room but Anubis knew he wasn't alone. The shadow reappeared again. His back straightened; under ordinary circumstances, he would have drawn his _katana_ already. But his swords were not with him as it was impolite to bring them in another person's private quarters.

Seconds later a clear female voice said teasingly, "If it isn't Shuten…"

Relief passed over Anubis like a wave. He sighed. "Asuka."

Asuka stepped from behind the screen, smiling. She looked much different than the last time he saw her, when she was just a twelve-year-old aristocratic brat who liked martial arts. Though she still cut her center-parted, thick black hair _much_ shorter than other noblewomen—the length was not much past her shoulders—her smile brought out an expressive radiance in her oval-shaped face that came with maturity. Her doe-shaped black eyes smiled with her lips, which were full and shaped like a pair of half-moons. The sight of them triggered the sudden desire in him to kiss her. She was really beautiful, even dressed in just a simple white kimono jacket and burgundy _hakama_.

"Longtime no see," he finally said, feeling awkward.

"You've changed. What happened?" When he stepped towards her, they both realized Anubis's change in height and burst out laughing. Anubis grinned. She used to be half a thumb taller than him, but now the top of her head barely reached the tip of his nose. Now she had to look up at him instead of the other way around. She appraised him with her beautiful eyes.

"You look like a proper warrior," Asuka remarked, "instead of a skinny kid who thought he'd go to war…with a wooden toy sword."

Anubis chuckled again. "And it was you who made it possible. I couldn't have done it without you." Then he remembered his debt to her long ago…

_Toshitada shrugged. Father had put off his samurai initiation ceremony for his sixteenth birthday until the two katana had been purchased, because swords were very expensive. "I'll find something else on the way."_

"_And what if your great-uncle is too stingy to grant you two swords?" Before he could answer, she unhooked one of her own katana from its belt and held it out to him._

_He stared at it, speechless. "You're giving it to me?"_

_Asuka sighed impatiently. "I have Suiko, you take Umeiyo. Give it back after you're discharged."_

Before he said a word, she answered, "I know what you're thinking. Forget it. All I wanted was to see you alive."

He shook his head. "I must repay you somehow. No friend of mine has believed in me like that."

"You were brilliant, so I believed you. It's better in your hands." Her smile faded. "Besides, it's useless to me."

"Why? Are you more interested in court life now?" he teased, though it was obvious in her relatively simple appearance that this untrue.

"I'm getting married."

Up until now it felt like seven weeks had passed since they last saw each other, not seven years. A subconscious hope in Anubis's chest was crush. He knew it was impossible for them, but he was very drawn to her, and he could see the same feeling reflected in her. It was clear Asuka was not happy about her marriage, though she accepted it with the same, submissive bitterness that many samurai accepted Bushido.

"And the thing is," she added dimly, "who knows when I can see you again? Yuri has put me under a tight watch. And I don't want to see you behind a screen every time…"

"Who's your husband?" Anubis asked. His throat felt painfully tight.

"Oh, I don't know yet. I just have three suitors…"

So her older brother was just courting possibilities now. Anubis's hopes rose, though he wasn't sure yet of what he would ask for.

There were some noises in the corridor. Asuka waved goodbye before disappearing behind the screen and out of sight, seconds before her brother entered. From there, Anubis and Yuri went straight to negotiations.

To ask for a promotion appealed to Anubis, though he knew it wouldn't satisfy him anyway. The short conversation with Asuka had relaxed him. He wanted to see her again. And though there was nothing _officially_ to be gained by courting her, it could open him to other opportunities. Maybe his uncle had a point about marriage. Maybe it was his time; maybe it wasn't. Anubis would rather find his future mate on his own time, and he'd rather find a woman who he could relate to as easily as he did Asuka—like a friend. This could not be gained if Lord Koma did the work. He took a deep sigh, made his decision, and asked Lord Yuri.

--

Yuhiro lay in his bed that night, irritated by his meeting with Koma. He had no choice but to grant the _samurai_ permission to court Asuka, who of course would be marrying someone with much higher connections. He was sure this decision would be the subject of talk in court for months, if not generations—Lady Asuka, the lord's daughter, would be courted by a half-demon nobody.

--


	6. Cool Your Fervor

In the capital the vassals had small residences not too far from the _daimyo_'s capital. Anubis stayed at Hashi Manor, a small, minor compound occupied by his first cousin Jin, who greeted him with: "How many _koku_ did the Regent Daimyo grant you?"

"There are rumors about me already?" Anubis asked in surprise.

Jin shrugged his broad shoulders. "You must have been away for ten years, not seven. Life is trivial in the capital." Like Anubis he had a tall frame and similar angular facial features, the exact same eyebrows and languid gait, except his hair was black and his eyes were brown like everyone else's. The strength in his strong cheekbones gave him the resolve of an experienced warrior, although Lord Koma arranged an administrative post for his other nephew, who unlike most samurai had learned martial arts only in theory. Anubis and Jin's lives couldn't have been more different. Since all but one of their uncle's sons lived past their teen years, and since his only living son had poor health, the clan's eyes turned on Jin to lead the clan one day. Never would they disown him. Despite their unequal beginnings Jin had a unique combination of an easygoing personality and a shrewd logic that most of the clan lacked. He was a good friend.

Anubis made himself comfortable as the servants took care of his possessions. He explained everything that passed in the Grand Castle to Jin, who nodded in surprise. "The political connections would be very advantageous for the clan," he said quietly, in calculating tones, "_if_ Lord Taira consented. For starters, how will you go to the _miai_?"

The question made Anubis self-conscious. How had Asuka's others suitors gone to see her? Probably their _kimono_ were threaded with the best silk, they had an entourage with banners and brought her expensive gifts. It was hard to believe Asuka was the daughter of the _daimyo_, and would expect more respect from him than the friendly bruises and flailing tongues and taunts they shared in childhood. But he could not let on these insecurities, even to his cousin.

"Like a warrior," he said finally. "My best _kimono_ and _hakama_, with my swords and my horse. That's all."

"Let's see how that works."

Anubis flashed a confident smirk. "Let's see."

--

This is just how Anubis went to Mikasa Castle. It used to be where he, Asuka, and the talented children of other vassals lived together and studied martial arts and formal, aristocratic education. Now Asuka and her other unmarried sisters lived together in a tightly-controlled compound. But as he passed through the checkpoint Anubis noted some of their childhood escape routes and hiding spots were as porous in the walls as water is through bread.

The _miai_ was conducted simply, formally. He recognized Asuka's older sister Nari preparing the tea ceremony. Asuka was in full regalia, with a white-painted face and rouged lips partially hidden behind her fan. Anubis felt undressed in his russet kimono and wished he'd borrowed something of Jin's, but what was done was done. Nobody mentioned it, anyway. Afterward some boring formalities were exchanged, and finally Nari bowed and got to her feet.

"I will excuse myself so the both of you can make acquaintances," she said aloofly. "I suggest Asuka that you play _shamisen_. If you should be requiring anything, Koma-san, please, do not hesitate to ask." She left.

An awkward moment of silence passed.

"So," Anubis suggested tentatively, "would you like to play _shamisen_?"

Asuka raised her eyebrows. "Actually, I thought we could spar…"

Before they knew it, they leapt into the courtyard bearing _katana_ in hand. It brought nostalgic memories to both of them…

"_Yes!"_

_With a triumphant cry eight-year-old Asuka parried and whacked Toshitada's wooden practice sword out of his hands. He glared at her, half-aghast, half-humiliated._

_Kanaka-sensei grasped her shoulder and nodded with stern approval. "Well done, Asuka-chan, but remember to steady your grip. Toshitada-chan, you need more practice."_

_Ten-year-old Toshitada scowled at the floor as the class applauded Asuka. No words could express the anger that could be felt burning flames through the paper walls. Kanaka-sensei dismissed the class. Once the last child scurried away, the middle-aged teacher reproved harshly, "You _must_ learn to control your emotions, especially your anger and more so your pride. Or else you can never expect to be an honorable, successful warrior. I can assure you that."_

"_But she is nothing sensei-sama!" Toshitada sputtered. He could barely retain his anger. "She's she's not nearly the strongest--"_

"_How many times must I tell you that strength is an isolated variable? You have read many treatises and seen enough demonstrations to make that careless assumption. Asuka is smaller than you, yes, and she's neither as strong nor as talented; but she puts two extra hours of practice into her routine, which you never do. Toshitada-chan." The retired warrior's rough hands grasped the boy's shoulders. "You've great potential but you're still a nobody. Either control your emotions or they will be the end of you. Remember that."_

"Watch yourself!"

A cold steel blade swished through the hair; Anubis jumped backwards. He had missed her stroke by centimeters. "This is a deadly game," he remarked humorously, though the surprise attack alarmed him.

Asuka raised her sword. "Only for those who can't manage themselves."

"I hope you regret that suggestion."

He blocked her second blow with the curve of his blade and pushed her forward with enough strength to fell the average warrior, but Asuka recovered her balance and parried his attacks with rapid speed. Their faces were mixed with excitement and competitiveness, although this was not just a game; one wrong step, and either one could get hurt, or even killed, as neither wore armor. Anubis attempted to knock her sword from he grip with force, but their "game" exposed her talent for speed, which Kanaka always praised. Asuka swung her sword at about chest-level. He bent over backwards, brought his legs over his head into a crouch position where he slashed his weapon in an arc. The blade was so dangerously close to her feet that he shaved off a piece of her burgundy _hakama_, but the fight went on.

Curious maids watched but only whispered as Anubis and Asuka dueled. In the corner of his left eye Anubis saw Asuka's younger sisters Natsu, Tsuki, and Emiko peek their heads out the window and watch the duel with keen interest.

"_Pah_!"

The tip of Asuka's blade slit through his kimono sleeve; as it was only the white robe over his basic undergarment, it wasn't so bad, and it didn't touch his skin.

"I told you to pay attention," she warned, swinging her _katana_ around for another quick blow.

With a clash of steel, Anubis parried its aim with only his right hand holding the hilt steady. He laughed. "Now watch this."

The whole time he let her go according to her pace, he held back some of his blows, but now he was going to overwhelm her with a taste of his battle experience. Anubis doubled his speed, but kept the attacks just as fierce. "In battle, there is no hesitation," he panted. Sweat gleamed against his brow, neck, and open chest. "Hence--_mortal combat_!"

Out of nowhere he bared a second, smaller sword. The maids recoiled in mixed shock and excitement, meanwhile Emiko, Natsu and Tsuki waved their sleeves frantically and cheered: "Give him what you got, Asuka-chan! Fight! Fight!"

"But he sure is cute!" Emiko whistled.

The maids laughed. The sisters' encouragement emboldened Asuka. As his blade swept over her head, he enjoyed their little game, the excitement in her eyes. Again, he liked that he could get along with her after seven years; he liked that she was more than a pretty object that couldn't speak or give him direct eye contact…he was really enjoying this.

Until a horrified voice said coldly: "_Enough_!"

Everything went silent. The maids parted, revealing a quietly indignant Nari. Anger shivered from the top of her ornately worked hairstyle to her feet hidden under layers of mauve and burgundy kimono. Her sharp eyes surveyed the maids all coldly, her countenance barely able to hold in her dignity. "How dare you stand here gawking," she hissed at him. "To your posts at once!"

The maids scurried back inside, closing the lacquered doors behind them. Asuka's sisters disappeared. Anubis and Asuka quickly sheathed their swords.

"Asuka, go inside."

"Yes, _onee_-sama." She left.

Nari regarded Anubis with a hard glance. "Koma-san, you will kindly regard propriety while you are a guest here."

"Of course, Honorable Lady. I apologize for my behavior. It is entirely my fault."

"You will also take care to note the time. It is the hour of the dragon. Your time here expired at the hour of the hare."

"Again, my apologies."

Shortly after he departed, but not without another quick glance once again at the old holes in his childhood…

--

"A cup of water, Chang-E."

Asuka watched Chang-E bow and fetch the water as quickly as a blink. The Chinese maid kept her head bowed in shame. Nari dipped her hand in the cup. She approached Asuka with a reproachful look in her oval-shaped eyes before slapping Asuka across the face.

"Let me never find you behaving like that with a man again," she warned.

The sparks of hot anger flared inside Asuka, but before she could fight back, Nari slapped her again, this time backhanded. The sting only fed her irritation. "That man has treated me better than Lord Sasaki," she protested. She mentally forced herself not to get riled about her sister's corporal chastisement, though she could not stand to be treated like a dog or a child. "And he is not boring like Lord Kuroda."

Nari folded her arms and regarded Asuka sternly. "You are Taira Asuka, daughter of one of the most powerful _daimyo_ in Japan's history. How dare you defile the clan with your actions! You know how the world works." A note of pity colored the rigidness in her voice. "Do you want to be like me? A divorcee at thirty years old, dependent on others to make my living?"

_No_, was Asuka's silent answer, _I don't want that life._ But how could Nari blame her for wanting freedom? At the end of the day, wasn't she human?

_Aren't I?_


	7. Snakes Come In All Shapes, All Sizes

**Snakes Come In All Shapes, All Sizes**

I've taken a month-long hiatus in updating to publish other stories and figure out everything in The Way I Am. Details are on my profile later tomorrow or in the week; basically, I'm not sticking to history (too difficult!) and none of the events ever happened… Lame. Sorry. This is a buffer, mostly.

--

The next day was the fourth _miai_ with Lord Yamanouchi Naotoki. He was a tall, slender man with strange looks--the heavily-lidded black eyes, angular facial features and jet-black hair with its dark green sheen gave him the appearance of a strange reptile. The only thing about him that wasn't angular or strangely exotic were his full, sensual lips.

A _masho_ (general), his master was Lord Marume, _daimyo_ of a wealthy province that stood neutral in the civil war's many feuds. Marume was crazy, said to behead his own children for minor transgressions until there was no one to succeed him. But Asuka could see a cunning distinction in Yamanouchi's eyes, and as a lover he managed to bend his master's will, the effective _daimyo_ and heir apparent in one.

"What did you think of him?" Emiko asked the night after the _miai_. She combed out the knots in her knee-length hair, pulling the tresses from her round face and slit-shaped eyes. "Is he a keeper?"

Asuka shook her head. "Attractive, and he has good conversation. But not for me. I felt like I was chatting with Chizuru." She wrinkled her face in disgust. Chizuru was their sister-in-law and seemed to be the wheel that moved the vehicle of gossip in Japan. "And personally, I find his political clout a little… disturbing."

The others giggled. Tsuki's delicate features lit with amusement. "I'm sure that's the reason _onee-san_."

Of course they were laughing about Anubis. Nari still refused to talk to Asuka, and since then had imposed stricter curfew than usual. So as soon as Asuka and her sisters had changed and dressed their hair, Nari blew out the lanterns. They all slept in a common room divided by old sudare or folding screens; this was as much "private property" as they owned. Emiko tucked herself under a futon in the middle of the room. Natsu's partition was in the corner. Tsuki's futon pushed against the wall, behind two folding screens. Asuka slept under the alcove.

She didn't know why, but she missed Anubis. He brought some color in her drab, formal life at court. She could tolerate court life, and in all honesty she had to for the integrity of her clan, but she missed the days when her father gave her freedom. Nowadays she couldn't even ride a horse without seeming unladylike! Everything seemed to be chipping away at the remnants of her blissful, carefree days…

Then something rapped against her window. Asuka looked up but saw nothing. She heard the taps again. This time she opened the window and found a tiny shred of paper hidden underneath, folded several times and bound with string. She unwrapped it and read its contents inside:

_Would you kindly_

_Permit me entrance_

_When drafts drift beneath the cracks so easily;_

_When the moon pours its silver light through the paper._

_I will be no more loud,_

_I will be no less noisy._

_This couldn't be,_ she thought. If she wasn't mistaken…

"Anubis?" she whispered with uncertainty. Her lips smiled involuntarily, though she thought, _He wouldn't be that insane._ Or perhaps he was. Who else could have written such a thing to her? Also, Shuten was a pretty good poet. Asuka looked at her sisters, fast asleep in their covers and behind their partitions. They all liked the idea of Anubis as her suitor, but none of them would keep quiet if she just happened to…venture in the garden and see if there was someone to meet.

Asuka slid the window even wider, climbed through, and stepped unto the verandah. The ladies' garden was perfectly symmetrical, with a small pond and small bridge for viewing the small water creatures below. She walked into the moonlight. On the other side of the verandah, which circled the sitting and music rooms, Asuka saw a dark figure.

"Shuten," she whispered.

He walked into the light. Anubis wore a plain, dark blue kimono, but he carried himself like an emperor. "_Konban-wa_, _Asuka Gozen-sama. Good evening, Honorable Lady Asuka."_

_She flushed. "You're so pretentious, you idiot." He knew she hated it when he addressed her formally._

"_I'm a samurai. We're rather hollow. By the way, your security is lax. Remember all those 'secret passages' from when we were kids? They're still there."_

"_If anyone catches you here…"_

"_Nobody will see us." His smile was thoughtful and yet reckless at the same time. Anubis stepped closer. "I just wanted to see you without the restrictions."_

"_You mean Nari, or my juni-hitoe?" she asked jokingly._

_Anubis grinned. "How'd you like my poem?"_

"_I say you should meet with Meiji one of these days; he still remembers you well." Meiji, three and a half years her senior, was the youngest of her half-brothers. "He became the imperial court bard, you know…"_

"_Yeah, he was always good with words. But can I meet you like this?" he asked hopefully. "We can stay in the garden…walk about the grounds…or even leave, if you'd like."_

"_Ha, you're crazy." His ideas stimulated the wild thoughts in her mind--the desire to be free and do as she pleased without court restrictions--but he needed to earn it for her to take such risks. "I suppose you can..."_

"_That's a yes?"_

"_I suppose."_

"_Give me an answer!"_

"_Take a guess!"_

_And they talked and laughed all night._

_--_

_As I've said, this is just a buffer chapter…_


End file.
